High tea anniversaries and musings on single mummy dating (or lack of)

So my Aunt and her husband Mike celebrated their 48th wedding anniversary on Wednesday and were kind enough to invite me and Eliza to celebrate with them.

All in all it went well. Like our journey over here, a trip of two halves. I’m accepting now this is going to be the way. That after that cut off point when attention lapses there is very little that can be done to claw back the well mannered three year old from the now feral child smearing jam that was meant for the scones inside her new cream ballet pumps.

Despite the ridiculousness of how our civilised high tea unfolded. We must not forget why we were there.

What a wonderful example they are of when marriage works. It gives me faith that you can find that one person and spend your life with them. Mike and Chris met when Chris, already divorced, had her three year old daughter Lora and he went on to legally adopt her. They went onto have a second daughter Natasha and emigrated to Australia. I am sure Chris wouldn’t mind me saying but she had not had the best experiences with men up until meeting Mike and here there is hope for us all.

They’re wonderful together. A relationship that is lovely to see and inspiring. Definitely one of the notable relationships that gives me hope. The reality currently though is that I have yet to find my ‘Mike’ who is so mad about me he is prepared to accept I have my Eliza too.

Generally what happens is that somebody shows an interest but it is clear very quickly that she is a sticking point. This hurts a lot. When the ex husband declared he’d had an affair I can honestly say the rejection I felt was all for her, Eliza that is. How could he choose to leave her? A number of the reasons he cited for having an affair centred around me no longer giving him enough attention since her arrival. The fierce protectiveness was overpowering and this is what I feel now.

I can’t honestly say I have been open to dating and maybe this is the reason. I must be clear that I certainly don’t want to get married again. Divorce is too painful. It involves solicitors and money and this makes it turn nasty very quickly. I would like to meet someone though to share my life with eventually. Unfortunately so far I have only come across fuck boys (pardon the phrase) and people that although may be perfectly nice, they perceive their lives to be much more interesting without a three year old in tow. The reality however is that they’d be lucky to get to spend time with her and sleeping in until 12 every weekend is overrated.

Maybe ‘Mike’s’ don’t exist anymore? Maybe I need to accept that it won’t happen for me. I’m certainly happy now giving all of my energy to Eliza and making sure she is happy and healthy and having wonderful experiences. If I wasn’t happy with this maybe I would have put myself out there. I certainly don’t need a man and maybe therein lies another stumbling block. I love my own time. I’m self sufficient and maybe this isn’t particularly attractive. It should be but without the need for ‘saving’ maybe the Knight in shining armour will never appear? Just a thought…

I should maybe open up and go on at least one date before I make up my mind on the matter though. Who knows, there may be an emotionally intelligent guy who finds an independent, career focussed single Mum who likes to drink red wine and dance, an attractive option.

Below are pictures of Eliza pre and post smearing of the jam…

Oh and just in case you thought I was being crass with my earlier referral to ‘fuck boys’ they are a real thing. We all know one or a few even. Here’s the definition in case any of you have had the fortune not to come across one.


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