To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all
Well what a decade it has been. I’m very sure I had some wonderful experiences pre-2015 but that year was when my most meaningful adventure began. My beautiful daughter was born and I was consumed by a love than I could not have imagined.
Myself and Joe were happy with our little bundle of perfect and I thought I was set. Unfulfilled in love it seems but with the arrival of Eliza, I was quite happy to coast and enjoy her.
2016 and the proverbial ‘rug’ was well and truly pulled out from under me. An 11 year relationship and 7 year marriage were done following the introduction of a Danish girl with Daddy issues and a husband dissatisfied with his new mundane life as a father. Sad times. Angry times.
2017 began in a bit of a blur and I started to rebuild our life. New job, new home, new identity. Nothing as exciting as an actual new identity though. I was back ‘home’, had moved counties not countries and I was surrounded by family and friends so hardly a tale of starting out on my own but it felt like it. I thought at that time that as shitty as I felt, I had my parents, my siblings and friends, a roof over my head and a wage coming in and so could have done a lot worse. Of course I was lucky and totally took for granted how I had fallen so wonderfully on my feet. I felt terribly sorry for myself.
Until she got sick. Mum that is. My absolute constant and safety net. My first love and my best friend. She died and four days after her funeral the divorce I had been doggedly pursuing at the cost of thousands came through. I was 33 and divorced and I’m not quite sure how I got through those weeks, months after she died but I didn’t have a choice because I had Eliza and she needed me and anything that had gone before paled in comparison to that.
I spent 2018 building myself and our life back up again. Lisbon and Vienna with best friends and Australia with MyEliza, meeting family and building lifelong connections with the most special of people. Watching my Dad flounder then swim against what must be the most terrible of tides. He’s made us so proud. And seeing in the new year alone on the sofa with a Eliza tucked safely in bed, knowing I’d really grown that year and was no longer feeling sorry for myself.
It all sounds so very cliche but I really did rest and repair and spend time with those that mattered and fed myself only good relationships that year. 2018 I salute you!
It meant that in 2019 I was ready. Or so I thought, to put myself out there and meet someone. A few months of procrastination later and with a gentle nudge from our mutual friend, I went on my first date with James. The rest is history. Three months short of a year with the most generous, kind and loving man I can imagine. I know I’m just gushing now but it’s true. They do exist! We have already experienced so much it’s like we were never apart and I’m making a bold prediction here but we won’t be apart again. When you know you know.
As I look to the next year I can only hope I will be loved and love as I have done this year. I am healthy, I have the career I love, my friends and family are here, I have a man I adore and MyEliza is happy and healthy.
Cheers to 2020 🥂
Already I can’t wait to see what you have in store. Whatever it is the good, the wonderful or the bad, I know I will get through it. Scrap that, I know I’ll take all those moments the year will bring to see me through to the next. Just as I have done before.
And I miss you. No less it seems than the day you died but all you wanted was for us all to be happy. So here you go x